The Best Phantom Scenes You (N)ever Saw!
|Whenever I went to phorums and we played the David Letterman "Top Ten Lists" games, it was not unusual to go beyond a list of quotes and write entire scenes which, in turn, inspired this section of my site. Many of them are parodies of scenes from other films, some are just plain goofy brain droppings.|
This takes place after the events of the Andrew Lloyd Webber musical. The "duh dum duh" music starts in the background as the narrator begins:
In today's session of the People's Court, the plaintiff, Carlotta Guidicelli, is suing the managers of the Paris Opera house for negligence and defamation. She claims that they conspired with stagehands and her understudy, Christine Daaé, to threaten and humilate her into quitting her long and outstanding career as their star soprano and that they even resorted to sabatoge! In her claim, she complains that they sent countless threatening notes to her under the alias "Opera Ghost." When she confronted the managers and refused to be intimidated, they drugged her throat spray during an important gala event which made her sound like a croaking toad in front of a full house of important public figures.
The defendents, Richard Firmin and Gilles André, claim they never wrote those notes. In fact, they themselves have also received threatening notes from the same "Opera Ghost." They also say that Guidicelli is an impossible, ungrateful brat that never appreciated anyone and that she a self-centered sot who feels a constant need to be the center of everyone's attention. They have nearly broken their backs trying to coddle her swollen ego. They say Christine Daaé has been a champion in dealing with Guidicelli's abusive nature and that she has absolutely no idea who could be writing these notes. Nobody has a clue who allegedly "drugged" her throat spray. In fact, everyone believes she is merely making up the story to cover up her own embarrassing mistake and that she probably damaged her voice after years of constant screaming tantrums.
They are accused of being incompetent as managers and even worse as ghosts in this special case numbered 666...
... "Who Let the Frogs Out?"
(from TV series "The People's Court")
The Paris Opera house has just been built. The Phantom is learning to be a tough Opera Ghost. As he looks in the mirror, the rehearsal begins:
You talkin' to me? You talkin' to me? There is nobody else here! You must be talkin' to me!
(from Taxi Driver starring Robert DeNiro and Jodi Foster)
Uriel is running frantically up and down the streets of Paris, shouting on his cell phone with the 911 dispatcher:
Identity thief! Identity thief! I am pursuing an identity thief! I'm at Rue Scribe right now near the Palais Garnier! Don't let him get away! Catch him! Catch him!
Scene is at the Masquerade in the musical by Andrew Lloyd Webber. A mysterious figure dressed as the Red Death appears. The Red Death begins dancing like Fred Astaire in the hallway and the foyer of the Opera House, his large red cape flowing out around him like a streamer. How graceful he is during this solo dance for the awestruck audience! As the grand finale, a spark appears and the Red Death figure disappears while the chandelier falls in the background.
(from Holiday Inn starring Fred Astaire)
Erik and Christine are in the house on the lake. Erik is dancing in the shower with an umbrella.
Erik: I'm singing in the rain! Just singing in the rain!
Christine: Oh, shutup! You are singing. That is why it is raining now!
Erik lets out a gasp and becomes silent.
(from Singing in the Rain starring Gene Kelly)
Scene is from 1925 Lon Chaney film. Raoul's older brother Philippe has been murdered and he is now trapped inside of the torture chamber with an unconscious Inspector Ledoux.
Erik: Join me, Raoul! Together we can rule all of Paris!
Raoul: I will never join you!
Erik: Inspector Ledoux never told you about your brother...
Raoul: He told me enough. He told me you killed him.
Erik: No, Raoul. I am your brother.
Raoul: No, that's not true! That's impossible!
Erik: Search your feelings! You know it to be true!
Raoul: No! No! (Weeps)
(from Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back starring Mark Hamill and David Prowse, with James Earl Jones as The Voice of Darth Vader)
Scene is from 1925 Lon Chaney film. Raoul and Inspector Ledoux are in the torture chamber. Inspector Ledoux sees his reflection in the mirror and lets out a girly scream.
Ledoux: Raoul! My thighs! Are my thighs really this big?
Raoul: Oh, Ledoux. Don't you worry. You look great. I'm the fat one.
Ledoux: You aren't just saying that, are you?
Erik: You are both fat!
Raoul: Well, you are ugly and we can always loose weight!
Erik pauses and looks very broken up.
Erik: That was a cruel thing to say, Raoul! You take that back!
Erik runs off to the second bedroom and cries into a pillow.
Raoul: Erik! I'm sorry! You aren't ugly. I'm just jealous because you are so skinny. I mean, you are just bone!
Erik begins to cry harder.
Ledoux (rolls eyes): Good going, Raoul. Looks like we'll be in here a while. Did you bring any suntan lotion?
The real reason the Phantom killed his ratcatcher. (In at least four versions of the story, the ratcatcher is killed.)
The Opera House is having its Bal Masque. The noise has kept the Phantom awake for hours on end, but he finally is able to fall asleep. His faithful ratcatcher appears with a rat puppet and begins to sing to the tune of Brahms Lullaby:
Ratcatcher: Go to sleep! Go to sleep!
Erik wakes up and looks over his shoulder at the ratcatcher.
Erik: You idiot. I WAS asleep!
The ratcatcher pauses a moment and, with good intentions, continues...
Ratcatcher: Go back to sleep! Go back to sleep!
(from an episode titled "Cruisin' for a Bruisin'" in cartoon series "Shaggy and Scooby Doo: Get a Clue!")
In novel by Sam Siciliano, in which Sherlock Holmes meets the Phantom of the Opera, Holmes is finally able to catch the Phantom. The Phantom is tied to a chair and everyone is eager to find out who this fake ghost really is. Holmes pulls off the mask, and it is Philippe de Chagny!
It seems he had widdled away the family fortune on chorus girls over the years. Now he had a great scheme allowing him to easily take home over twenty thousand francs from the Paris Opera House every month.
Philippe scowls as he mutters, "And I would have gotten away with it, too, had it not been for you meddling kids!"
(from the end of most any episode of cartoon series "Scooby Doo: Where are You?")
Scene is from 1990 NBC miniseries starring Charles Dance.
During the last tender moment together, Christine believes Erik is dying. She kisses him. His eyes pop open and start to spin wildly. He does the Daffy Duck "woo hoo" laugh and begins jumping and bouncing around the rooftop of the Paris Opera House.
Gerard Carriere looks up at the camera and says, "A-dee a-dee a-dee! Dats all, folks!"
(from The Villain starring Kirk Douglas, Arnold Schwarzenegger, and Ann Bancroft)
Scene is from the 1925 film starring Lon Chaney. It is near the end of the film. The angry mob has caught up with the Phantom, clubbed him to death, and tossed his body off the bridge into the river below.
That is not the end of the film! He is not dead! He is just unconscious and floats back under the Opera House. He is rescued by the one referred to in Leroux's book merely as The Shade, sometimes as The Siren. The Shade and The Siren are one, and she is none other than the real bride-to-be of Erik, his "dead wife" as he mentions! She dries him off and slaps him back into consciousness as she begins to scream at him ruthlessly.
Shade/Siren: I leave for only three stinking months and look at the mess you made!
Erik stands in corner with frightened look in eyes.
Shade/Siren: I work my fingers to the bones and here you go off galavanting with the first stupid chorus girl you can, with no appreciation for the slaving I do for you! I bet you tried to marry her, too, with our wedding only a few weeks away. Where IS our ring, by the way? You gave our ring to her, I'll bet! That is the fifth ring in the past year, you dolt! When are you going to learn? What have you to say for yourself!
This screaming goes on indefinitely as she begins cleaning. Erik sneaks away, grabs a hollow reed, places it in his mouth, and walks into the water for a nice quiet stroll in his lagoon...
Scene is from 1925 Lon Chaney film. Christine agrees to marry Erik by turning the figurine shaped like a scorpion. Erik opens up the torture chamber to release Raoul and Ledoux, but it is too late. Raoul has melted into a pool of water. Christine kneels by the pool of water and begins to weep. As memories of her life with Raoul pass through her mind, from the time he rescued her scarf from the ocean to their dance at the Bal Masque, Jimmy Durante's voice can be heard singing a familiar tune in the background:
Raoul de Chagny was a jolly, happy soul,
with his thin moustache and his blonde hair-do
and his eyes so large and blue!
(from Christmas cartoon "Frosty the Snowman")
The daroga and Raoul are traveling down the catacombs in search of the Phantom. Raoul looks into a pool of water and, seeing his reflection, smiles vainly at his own lovliness.
Raoul: I'm pretty.
His Echo: I'm pretty.
Not realizing that this is his own echo and believing instead that this is the Phantom, he becomes very angry.
Raoul: I'm prettier!
Echo: I'm prettier!
Ledoux/daroga: Eh, Raoul...
Raoul (whispering): I will not back down. I will win this argument against the masked fiend.
Raoul (back to catacombs): I'm pretty! It's me it's me it's me it's me it's me!
Echo: Me me me me me me me me me.!
Ledoux/daroga, at this point, rolls his eyes, folds his arms, leans against the wall, and begins to patiently wait this one out.
Raoul: You're dumb!
Echo: You're dumb!
At this point, Raoul is getting flushed in the face. He puffs himself up and believes he has the right words that will shut this ghost up for once and for all.
Raoul: I know you are but what am I?
Echo: I know you are but what am I?
Raoul is now befuddled. He looks to the daroga in fear.
Raoul (whispering): This guy's good. We better just move along.
(from a short skit on Cartoon Network titled "What Happens when an Idiot gets into an Argument with his own Echo" starring Johnny Bravo.)
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