Top Ten Things
(Phantom Character) Would Never Say

When I first started haunting phantom phorums, one of the popular games we used to play was a "Top Ten Things (Phantom Character) Would Never Say," an idea inspired by the David Letterman Show. These threads could get very long and usually enjoyed a long life span. Below are some of the lists I had saved.

Top Ten Things Erik (the Phantom) Would Not Say:

  1. Listen, Christine. I think we need to see other people.
  2. I must write a new musical: Meg's Legs!
  3. I am such a talentless little man.
  4. Sod this haunting business. I'm going to take up interior decorating!
  5. Daroga! How I have missed you! (hugs) Come on in and we can talk about old times!
  6. I'm dumping Christine for Carlotta.
  7. (sitting down writing a letter to the managers and frowns) The red ink is getting a bit old. Perhaps I will go with a happy pink!
  8. Christine's debut is tonight? But it's Superbowl night!
  9. (from behind any trap door) WAASUUUUUP!
  10. I feel fat. Do these coat-tails make my butt look big?

Top Ten Things Christine Would Not Say:

  1. (to Raoul) You killed Erik! Nooooo!
  2. (upon seeing Erik's face, a look of delight springs across her face) That's COOL!
  3. (to Erik) I'm sick and tired of your emotional constipation.
  4. (during the final lair scene) Boys, I hate to spoil your fun, but I'm on in five. If we could just sort of hold the phone for a few mins. After all, I *do* have a career to pursue!
  5. Erik, you just have the cutest lil' nose!
  6. Like, omigod! Erik like wears totally gnarly clothes! And Raoul, I mean what a total geek, like gag me with a spoon.
  7. (pushing Meg in front of her) Here, Erik. She's pretty and nice. Teach *her* how to sing!
  8. (to Erik, and then to Raoul) I knew you were crazy from the beginning, but now I think you are both mad!
  9. (to her father's grave) Dad, we need to talk about this Angel thing.
  10. (to Erik) Raoul? That bimbo? He's just my boy toy!

Top Ten Things Raoul Would Not Say:

  1. (to Phantom, about Christine) I was only using her to get to Carlotta!
  2. (to Phantom) It's okay, you can have her 'cause you're the man!
  3. I'm just going to give up on Christine. She obviously has no interest in me whatsoever.
  4. Christine, shut up!
  5. (to Christine, when they were children) I'm not your mutt. Go fetch your own scarf!
  6. Christine, Erik, I'll pay for your wedding. I just want to see the two of you together. Never mind that you are a murdering pyschopath who lives in a cellar. Godspeed. *sniff*
  7. Can it be, can it be Christine? No wait, that's a palm tree.
  8. You're right, Christine. I believe you.
  9. (on Christine first mentioning it) I knew it! There IS a Phantom of the Opera!
  10. Christine, I have the greatest idea. I'm going to go to the masquerade as Red Death!

Top Ten Things Carlotta Would Not Say (unless she's up to no good):

  1. I can't sing.
  2. Why would anyone want to hear me talk, much less sing?
  3. You can take my place tonight, Christine. I feel too tired to perform at the moment.
  4. I wish I had Christine's voice.
  5. Oh, no, no, no! I'm sorry. She's not a toad, I am. Come my prince, and kiss me. I've wanted you oh so long, Mr. Opera Ghost!
  6. I need a lot of coaching and rehearsals.
  7. My dressing room is too big.
  8. (about Christine, after a successful debut) You know, I have always liked that girl.
  9. (at least in Andrew Lloyd Webber musical) The show must go on!
  10. I'm getting too old to play some of these roles.

Some Other Miscellaneous Ones:

  • Madame Giry: You know, I believe I know something that might be of use to you, and I will gladly share with you.
  • Firmin to Andre: Andre, look! We got a letter from OG!! (Andre cheers)
  • Firmin and Andre: We never liked that chandelier anyway.
  • Ubaldo Piangi: Carlotta, shut up! You are creating such a scene!
  • The Persian/Daroga: (to Erik) Why do you always talk so mean to me? (Weeps into a hankerchief)
  • The Persian/Daroga: (while going under catacombs) EEEEE! Mice! (Jumps into Raoul's arms)
  • Ratcatcher: (overhears daroga) Mice? Where? EEEEE! (Runs away)
  • Inspector Ledoux: Women dig my uniform.
  • Raoul and Daroga/Ledoux: (to Erik and Christine) Party on dudes! Be excellent to one another!
  • Susan Kay: I hate the Lord Andy musical! I want a scary show! (Hugs Robert Englund phantom DVD)
  • Frederick Forsythe: I am so crazy about Gaston Leroux. He's the best author I ever read. I especially love the Persian! Wow, what a guy! Is he on top of things or what!
  • Robert Englund: I wanted to play a kinder, gentler Erik.

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