Freddy Kruger sings
Music of the Night

Robert Englund stars in Andrew Lloyd Webber Musical

This parody was posted at a forum many years ago by a phan under the alias "Goblins or Shoes." I was given permission to post it at my site.

I warn you, it is gory. Then again, so is the "Phreddy Kruger Phantom." Thus, the nature of this parody.

It is so "ewww, gross," in fact, that before GoS posted the parody, the following announcement was made:

(How the heck do I introduce this?)

Well, the idea came from free-asociation: I was thinking about the different versions of Phantom that were out there and speculating on the Robert Englund version (since I have never seen it). I wondered what sort of songs Freddy Kreuger would sing as Erik. And thus was born the germ of this song.

I imagined Freddy singing MOTN and immediately the first 4 lines came to mind in the form you see below. I really liked the way the words fit the rhyme scheme, so I figured I'd rewrite the rest of the song.

It took me a lot longer to do that than I had expected. Frankly, torture is not something that I like to dwell on. I could only write a couple lines at a time, then it got too disturbing for me. But anyway, it's done, it's here. Read it, don't read it...

And if any newbies read this... before you start smiling and slowly backing away from me, I just want to let you know that I'm actually a very happy person. I just have very strange ideas sometimes. :-)

Anyway... Freddy's singing. Don't attract his attention.


Webmaster's note: I understand. I do not usually find torture particularly funny, yet cannot resist the urge to make jokes about Erik's torture chamber (and the torture chamber scene from the silent film) from time to time. We all need our outlets, I suppose.

The Music of the Night

by Freddy Kruger

Knives bright, sharpened
For decapitation.
Fire prepared for your immolation.
Silently your screams echo through my fondest dreams.

Cuts and gashes
Decorate your body.
Acid, crushed glass,
Mixed in your hot toddy.
Ice pick through your ear, searing pain is what you hear.
Feel the orchestra I'll play on every nerve
A tortured chorus only you deserve.

Don't resist, none can hear your cries except me, dear.
Embrace the torment and torturer as well.
In my eyes, read the promise of your hell.
Down we go
And you'll learn the path quite well.

Ropes and nooses
Chafe your fragile, fair skin.
Whips and razors
Tear your wounds wide open.
Stretched out on the rack,
I'll flay the skin off of your back.
Weep your bloody tears from eyes that cannot see.
As you die, your last thought will be of me.

I'll break your bones, bend your fingers backward, crush your throat,
Do unto you what you tried to do to me.
You meddled where you know you never should.
Now you'll die as you never thought you would.

Coughing, choking,
Drink your poisoned milksop.
Glistening axe blade,
Both feet gone with one chop.
I'll watch you as you drown,
Feel the water pull you down,
To the darkness of the grave that you so dread.
Even then, you'll hear my voice inside your head.

Tortured souls are things that I know best.
A demon sings you cruelly to your rest.

Disclaimer: Freddy Kruger was not harmed during the production of this parody. In fact, we may have unintentionally helped him. Not to be remembered infuriates him!

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